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Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Chelsea Lately - a show for young blonde hotties and other cattle

I've watched Chelsea Handler's late night show off and on for years. I enjoy her snarky comedy, even though it can go quite mean. My brother was in LA for a few days so I got four tickets and we piled into his tiny Fiat rental car. We ended up getting to NBC a little early so we climbed up the hill to Universal Citywalk and wandered around the shops.

Mario Lopez from the backside
The show Extra films right outside the gates to Universal Studios so we stopped to watch Mario Lopez film some shots for the show. It was a small crowd there, so to get everyone crowded into the scene behind Mario, one of the staff kept waving us to move in. Then they told us they were going to be giving away all the shoes Mario was showing on the air. To keep us interested, they passed around the Extra microphone for everyone to take photos with.

Mario in the background 
I've always considered Mario too cutesy and boyish for my liking, but I have to admit, he was very attractive in person, and the crowd reacted well to him when he took the time to turn around and flash his smile and dimples at us.

Much to my disappointment, we had to leave before the shoe giveaway. We walked back down the hill and around the corner to enter an outdoor waiting area where a staff member looked at our reservation and put us into line.

This is when we realized our tickets weren't for sure entries. We were put in the second line that was for standbys. The other line was for people with preferred tickets. If you were young, blonde, and female, you got put to the head of the line. The staff members were rushed and rude. There was no friendliness at all. We were treated like cattle, and it was quite degrading to put up with.

We eventually got into the studio, where we were warned if we didn't keep our phones off we would be kicked out. All the young, blonde women were seated in the front left rows where the camera view would be most often. We were told this was because the show was to be seen as young, hip, and hot, so they wanted the audience to look that way on camera. Way to insult the people coming to see your show Chelsea.

The warm-up guy came out and told us how the show would work and when we should clap or laugh etc. He was quite funny and really lightened the mood. Next Chelsea's sidekick Chuy came out and sat at his laptop station - a computer that has never been turned on, we were told.

If you haven't watched Chelsea's show before, it works like this. She comes out and does her monologue on the left side of the stage. Her monologue this day was about the LA Clippers owner, Donald Sterling, and his racist comments.

She was funny as always, but it seemed over very quick, then she was off to the centre of the stage where she joined her 3 other comedian round table regulars. They went on to discuss a number of current events, starting off with Sterling again, and moving onto other subjects. During the commercial breaks, Chelsea signed the books fans had brought in, but she never paid attention to the audience at all. It was as if none of us existed.

The roundtable was removed during a subsequent break and a couch and chair was brought in. Chelsea welcomed her guests Bill and Giuliana Rancic. If you've never heard of them before, they are reality stars. Bill was the winner of the first Apprentice show. Giuliana was a reporter for E! News. She interviewed him for the show after he won, he asked her out in the parking lot, and the rest is history. They have their own reality show on E! and Giuliana is one of the cohosts on Joan Rivers' show Fashion Police. They are very tan, very thin, and seem like very nice people, though his sockless dress shoes bothered me a bit.

At the end of the show Chelsea went back to her monologue spot, said a few more jokes, and then the show was over. It seemed so short, and she just walked off stage immediately. At no time during the show did she ever acknowledge the peons in the audience. The staff came out to herd us back out and off the lot in the same grumpy, gruff way.

Later, at Santa Monica Pier
Outside the studio, we stopped to take some photos by a wall painted with Chelsea's logo. On the other wall, there was an even better shot of Chelsea and her logo so we went to get a photo there and were yelled at to get out. My brother wasn't having any of it, so he took his time, took a couple of photos of the angry staff member and then a couple of himself.

We could see her simmering and I was uncomfortable since I hate to cause a scene, but I also was rather amused. What was the worst they could do anyway? Kick us out? Not let us back in to see Chelsea's show? No loss to us. No loss at all.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Be careful what you wish for - all roller coasters are not created equal


This is the park we were all waiting for. Cairo had flown down to meet us in LA for her semester break, and we'd spent the last few days at Disney and Universal, where the rides are fun, but we wanted more! We knew Six Flags Magic Mountain was more of a thrill ride park with lots of roller-coasters, and we were raring to get at it.

It was a long drive up to Valencia from Anaheim, and took us about 1.5 hours but we were hoping it would be worth it. The map shows all the ride locations and groups them into categories as Thrill Seekers in Training, Moderate Thrills, and Maximum Thrills. We were tired of wimpy rides so we went to the first Maximum Thrill we came across, the X2.

The park hadn't looked that busy but it ended up taking us 45 minutes to get to the front. As we got further in line, I began to worry about this ride. The signs all talked about how it was scary dangerous, made for extreme thrills. We couldn't see all that it entailed, but we did see that the cars all turned upside down and around 360 degrees, and that our feet would be dangling free. Closer up we were warned the ride included loud music and sound, fire, lightning and fog effects. "The world's first 5th dimensional ride!" they called it.

In the staging area, there was a loop of a woman's eerie voice whispering "X2" and a man saying "Is everybody in?" Once we were in, a Sinatra rendition of "It had to be you" started playing to be interrupted by Metallica, and then Rage against the Machine. It was like a creepy horror soundtrack, and the point was obviously to build up stress. We were flipped backwards as we were pulled up the hill. I felt a terror trying to take hold in my sternum, but I kept pushing it back, focusing on the beautiful view of the valley below. "Breathe ... one ... two ... three ... four ...".


We got to the top and I expected us to go down backwards, but we just did a dip, and then came up. It confused me and that was obviously the purpose. Our seats flipped around upside down and we were looking straight down at the ground ...stop ... one ... two ... three ... it let go, and we were flying down the 215' drop to the bottom face-first.

At this point I was a screaming, freaking, swearing, fear-crazed mess. An endless stream of swearing and screaming and just plain horror. It's safe to say that I absolutely despised this ride. It was, unquestionably, the worst experience of my life. It was every nightmare come true, with the disjointed music, noises, jerking, falling, and flipping over and over and over yet again. I couldn't tell where we were or where we were going. I just wanted this hell to be over. Harold? He sat next to me, giggling giddily.


When we came into the station, we stopped, but they didn't let us out immediately. Suddenly, we started again, and I thought they were going to make us go all over. I almost lost it at this point, and was about to start screaming hysterically to let me out, then we stopped, almost as quickly, and were released. Dignity saved, but just, teetering on the precipice.

Exiting the ride, I couldn't get out of there fast enough, but then it was like I was in a state of shock. I couldn't even begin to think about what we'd just gone through. Poor Cairo had banged her head badly on the ride bar and I couldn't pay attention to her. We walked down the hill, Harold all smiles, Cairo holding her head, and me in a fog. Near the bottom, tears started to stream out of my eyes. Not tears of sadness, it felt more like a release of the stress. I was very thankful I had dark glasses to camouflage my reaction.

At this point, I was terrified of going on any of the other rides. In the past, every ride I'd ever gone on had scared me, but after I'd done it, I'd come off feeling wonderful, with all the adrenaline flooding my body. I'd always felt trust for the ride achitects, that they'd not build something I couldn't handle. Things were different now. These damned Six Flags guys had messed things up and I could no longer trust I'd be okay. Cairo and I agreed we didn't want to go on any more of the Maximum Thrills. We were probably more of the Moderate Thrills type.

Apocalypse was described as a modern roller coaster with the nostalgic look and feeling of a classic "woodie". It looked much like the old roller coaster we have in Vancouver, a ride we've always loved. The line length was deceptive. It looked short on the outside but once you got inside the shafts that lead up to the station, it seems to go on and on. It was well over an hour before we got up to the front. I was still recovering from X2, but I kept telling myself this would be better.

We got into the cart, and put on our seatbelts. The bars came down and clicked in ... for everybody else. Mine was loose and unclicking. One of the ride operators came by and checked Harold's and Cairo's but not mine. I called out to her but she kept going and Harold told me another woman was coming up my way. I looked back and saw her fiddling with a man's bar near the back. The second woman came up to help, and then they started to walk away.

I kept thinking of how it was another Six Flags park that a woman had fallen out and died just this year, because they hadn't made sure her bar was closed. Harold told me to be calm, that it would be okay. As we saw them walking away, Cairo and I both lost our patience and yelled out "EXCUSE ME!!!!" and they turned with pained, long-suffering expressions. "We're just resetting the system ma'am." And with that, all the bars came up and then down again. This time mine clicked. I looked around and everybody was now staring at me. Great.

After that, the ride was anti-climactic. It was definitely fun and much faster and scarier than any woodie we've been on before, but I'd just had too much stress for the day. Cairo's head started pounding again from the hit she'd taken before, and though neither one of us wanted to say it, we'd had enough of Six Flags. We offered to wait for Harold while he went on some of the other Maximum Thrill rides, but he went in and figured the lines were too long to wait in alone. We both felt bad for him, but not quite enough to go through it all again. I expect if we'd paid for this day, I might have forced us on a few more rides, but since this was one of our two free days (I'd bought Go LA cards from Costco.com that let us have 4 days of many of the tourist attractions for the price of 2 days), I let us off the hook.

As we were driving home, I turned on the wifi and searched for reviews of the X2. "Most extreme coaster on the planet" read one. "Scariest ride in North America" said another. We had wanted more thrills from our rides. We should have been more careful with our wishes.

Friday, April 25, 2014

Talk about making your dreams a reality!


I've had these recurring nightmares throughout my life:
  1. Showing up to school on a holiday and having the teacher make me stay - sometimes I show up without clothes, but that's always on a regular school day, when I can feel the utter horror.
  2. Sailing off the end of a bridge or cliff.
  3. Showing up a day too late for a flight.
All the self-help gurus talk about making your dreams a reality. So maybe I got this half right ...

Pretty much the only thing keeping us on a schedule has been that I booked a flight for my daughter to meet us in L.A. during her semester break. We have been basing all our decisions on getting to Anaheim to check in to our campground on the 25th and then pick her up on the 26th.

Yesterday she called me. "Dad says my flight is leaving on Friday, not Saturday. I know he's wrong, but can you double check?"

I laughed, "I am so sure ..." (Famous last words of the foolish) "...that it's Saturday, but I'll check."

Lalala ... logging in .... dadada ... bringing up the itinerary ... "Yep, there it is, you're leaving on the 25th ... wait ... Friday the 25th! ohmygawd!"
"WHAT?!" she responded, aghast. "I have to work tomorrow! I have to wash my clothes! I have to pack! What am I gonna do?"

"Ummm I don't know. Call your work, wash your clothes, pack?" my sarcasm sliding in "Well, honestly, wow, I'm so sorry I messed that up. Man, we're so lucky your father caught that."

I can just imagine how horrible it would have been to figure out this evening when I went to check in, to find out I'd made her miss her flight. I've never done that before. I even re-checked the booking the other day, and didn't notice it at all. It would have cost me a lot more to rebook her, and I don't want to think about the stress it would have caused. *phew* That was a close one.

We're sitting in a big gravel lot behind the Fantasy Springs Casino in Indio. We moved here on Wednesday, so we'd be closer to Palm Springs. That night we went into the Casino to get a players card. They gave us $10 off at the restaurants, $10 free slot play, and a T-shirt! Exciting! Harold is dancing around in the trailer wearing his, right as I type this.

We spent our $10 at the buffet, where I was so happy to see so many Pescatarian options, then went off to use our $10 free slot play. In this casino, you have to play $10 in order to get your free play, you can't use your free play on video poker, and while you can play video poker to get the free play, you have to spend more because VP gives less points per dollar put through.

So we wandered the casino looking for a slot machine that looked fun, but all the fun machines were progressives - where the value of the jackpot increases a small amount each game until it's won by someone - and of course, we also couldn't play the progressives to get our free play. We eventually just shrugged our shoulders, sat down at the closest machine and played our money. At the end of the night, I was down $10, and Harold was up $12.45, so we made over 2 bucks! Woohoo! But we don't have a clue how ... the stupid slot machines have so many lines and so many ways to win, it's a real pain to see how you're gonna win or lose. We really don't like slots.

Thursday night we drove up to Palm Springs. I've been here twice before. Harold has never been. I purposely planned to be there on Thursday as that's the night of  VillageFest, a street fair featuring arts, crafts, food, and entertainment. It runs about 4 long blocks and is made up of food stalls, produce and bread stands, and artisan products as well as on-street entertainment, spread out nicely so they don't interfere with each other's sounds.

The entertainment was diverse. Up outside the Hyatt Palm Springs, there is a bar, with lounge singers. On the way in, there was a Dean Martin style singer and when we came back he was paired up with a Patti Labelle style singer. It seemed very obvious they'd never sung together before. They both had good voices, but they were at odds with eachother. It was a train wreck. I was surprised the audience stayed to listen.

A block down there was a John Mayer type of singer. His songs were all of the angsty type. On our way back, there was a group of young girls dancing and swaying in front of him, all googoo eyed for him.

There was a steel drum band, with a singer with a beautiful voice. I kept scanning all their faces to find the singer before realizing he was on the video. The music was real, the voice was taped. Weird. The last guy was playing an electric guitar Flamenco-style. He was quite talented and attracted a large group.

We didn't see anything we wanted to buy except for these big, beautiful, tasty strawberries, and some Medjool dates. The date palms can be seen all over Indio and I have been meaning to buy some the last few days. I love them in salads. When it came to the bread, we couldn't believe how much of it was Gluten free, to a ridiculous degree. We had to really look to find a loaf WITH Gluten. Celiacs rejoice! You've won Palm Springs!

When it came time to find a restaurant, we had a huge selection, but settled on Lulu California Bistro. It not only had a cool, interesting vibe, but a great vegetarian and seafood menu, with at least three items that interested me. They also have a nice looking Gluten-free menu, but we're all about the Gluten! I ordered Lobster Ravioli and Harold had the Ahi Tuna Tartar. In hindsight, I wish I'd had the Quinoa Stuffed Acorn Squash (filled with quinoa, spinach, roasted peppers, corn, figs, almonds and orange fig sauce). My ravioli was okay, and I really didn't like Harold's tuna. He liked it more than I did. I'm pretty particular about Ahi Tuna, and really just enjoy it seared, not tartared.


The waiter kept touching us. I know it's a technique used by people to connect with others, but Harold and I are kinda uncomfortable with strangers touching us so much. He was a very good looking and personable young man -- but still, don't touch me, please!

After dinner, we wandered into a pet store where the proprietor forced us to take some samples of raw food. She wouldn't listen to us when we told her one of our dogs has a real problem with foods that are too nutrient dense.

"Our dog can't handle high protein." I said.
"Our raw food is unlike all the others. It has much lower protein and lots of vegetables." She responded.
"Oh no, our dog can't eat vegetables." I explained.
"But you can't see them, they're all chopped up!"

They're what? Chopped up? We don't have a picky dog who won't eat his greens. We have a dog who gets ill when he's fed vegetables or too much protein. What sort of dog goes by food looks? Obviously, going by this woman's diatribe, the Palm Springs kind.

"Oh you have him on prescription food I'm sure! Horrible vet stuff!"

It just ended up being easier to take the samples. We'll feed them to Toonie who can eat anything. Teddy needs his fillers.

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

If the Trailer's rocking don't come knocking!

“Live, travel, adventure, bless, and don't be sorry.” ~ Jack Kerouac

We've been sitting here in the Cottonwood Springs BLM lands just south of Joshua Tree National Park for the last three days. It's not a place whose beauty can easily be seen in a photo. It's dusty, beige, sandy and scrub brush, on a slightly slanted plateau surrounded by desert mountains. The landscape is vast.

Standing outside during the day, you can see for miles and miles. At night, the sky goes on forever, dark and clear, covered by a gazillion stars. The only signs of civilization we can see are the tiny dots of cars and trucks along Interstate Hwy 10 far down below.

Our days are spent working in the trailer, with all the windows open letting in the light and fresh air and the sweeping views. With temperatures in the late 80's and early 90's, and little relative humidity, there is no need for air conditioning. As long as we have shade we're great, especially with the awesome breeze floating through here.

The original plan was get up early, go hiking, come back and work, hike some more in the afternoon, and sit out to view the stars at night. But it hasn't really worked out for us that way. It's the downside of trying to mesh working and travelling with a timetable.

Reading other people's blogs, the picture I get of the best way to do this is fulltime - leave the home and family behind and just hit the road permanently - or at least longer times away with more time in less
 places. If we were spending a month or more in an area, we'd have a lot of off-time to really explore each area. We're working up to that. It just takes time to get my daughter used to the idea of living on her own.

Our present plan is based on a shaky premise - that we can get our work done within specific hours and have the rest of the time dedicated to experiences. It works well a lot of the time, but then one or the other gets hit with some project that needs more time and we're dead in the water. That's what has hit us all this week. Either Harold or I have had to spend more time working, and it's not been on the same days, so we haven't been able to get out much to see the place.

We got here in the afternoon Sunday and wandered around the BLM lands here and spent the evening looking up at the stars in awe. Monday was mostly a wash. Work took up the whole day for both of us and we didn't get a break until after sunset, so we spent our downtime driving into Indio to get groceries at Costco and Walmart.

Tuesday we got up and were out of the trailer at sunrise, all ready to go into the park, hike some of the trails at the southern part of Joshua Tree, then come back and work. Hopefully we'd be able to do it all again later that afternoon.

The roads were deserted since it was so early. Hoping to pick up maps at the Visitor Center, we found, not surprisingly, it wasn't open until 9am so we had to go by the big posted map and what a disappointment! The area we'd wanted to hike was all closed up:

Due to a heavy flash flood in 2011 and again in 2013, tailings from 
historic mining were churned up, exposing heavy metals that are a 
health and safety issue to people.

So all the hiking trails that are open, are up in the north end of the park, about 30-45 miles away. We went for a drive up there, enjoying the views but there was roadwork that slowed us down at 3 different locations, making us wait, and by the time we got up there, there was no way we could also fit in a hike.

Alright, take 2: We'll take off work about 3, drive up to the north end and do a couple of the hikes until dark. It was a great idea, but my work interfered this time, and I was busy until bed time. Then the winds whipped up and were pushing our poor little trailer this way and that. I thought we were going to be picked up and thrown around in the air like in the Wizard of Oz.

I decided to check the weather forecasts to put my mind at ease and instead found a "Severe Wind Advisory" warning of heavy winds in the area until 4am. Great, it was only 2am so I had 2 hours to worry about being tipped over, to roll and roll all the way down the incline. I just knew I'd never fall back asleep.

Four hours later I woke, surprised. I had indeed managed to fall sleep. But while the wind advisory was now gone, the wind was still whipping us around. Stupid wind advisory! I didn't really want to leave the dogs alone in the trailer and then Harold started getting early calls and email, so hiking was off again.

I sound like I'm complaining, and maybe I am, but it doesn't mean we're not loving every bit of it. We may not get out to see everywhere we are, but sometimes just having a different landscape to look out on, is enough.

Instead of walking out on my back porch seeing big beautiful evergreen trees and a lush green lawn, all wet with the recent rainfall, we wander out to see this huge, vast, spawling desert. Instead of walks around the neighbourhood, we walk out into the desert.

I feel like we're so alone, so small, in a space that goes on forever. I love this place, like I loved the place we were the other day and places from days before that, like I also love it back home. I love what we have at this very moment. The wind crashing into us, whistling through the windows, the trailer rocking, the dogs curled up beside me on the couch. In a few moments, we'll take a break to take the dogs out and play for a bit. In our temporary yard that stretches to the sky.

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Plagues and Pleasures on the Salton Sea


The first time I ever heard of the Salton Sea, was in the movie of the same name, starring Val Kilmer. He plays a speed freak addicted to meth, who is also an informant for two corrupt cops. The story seems all over the place and it's hard to fit it together until finally you understand. It seemed a fitting style for the movie, as I can imagine this might be the way life is for a meth addict. Given all the meth addicts we've seen the last few days, the story definitely does fit in this area.



The next time I heard of the Salton Sea was in a documentary narrated by John Waters, my favorite cult film director. Plagues & Pleasures on the Salton Sea tells the story of the first 100 years of the sea, the accident that created it, the environmental catastrophe that ruined it, and the eccentrics who still live there.

Then of course, there was my favourite tv personality, Anthony Bourdain, cruising through the area, on one of his many travel/eating shows. He stopped to dine at the Ski Inn, the only bar and restaurant in a 20 mile area.

For many years, I've wanted to visit this area, to see how the reality matches with the stories.


In 1900 this whole area was a big dry lake bed. Construction of irrigation canals began to redirect water from the Colorado River to the Salton Sink. The area became fertile and farmers began to plant crops. But then the river poured silt into the canals causing blockages which the engineers were unable to remove. The river swelled due to heavy rain and snow melting. It rose up and flooded the canal, ran over the dikes, and rivers, and came to settle in the Salton Sink. The Salton Sea was created.

The sea lies below sea level, like Death Valley. Waters come in through the three rivers in the area, as well as agricultural runoff, drainage systems, and creeks. The salinity of the lake is greater than the Pacific Ocean but less than the Great Salt Lake in Utah. Mudpots and mud volcanoes are found on the eastern side of the Salton Sea and hot springs abound.

In 1950, the California Department of Fish and Game captured thousands of fish in the Gulf of California to be released into the Salton Sea. Due to all the fish, migratory birds began to use it as a stopover. Towns popped up along the shores, with marinas, yacht clubs, and golf courses and for a while, it became a resort area. People came up from LA and San Diego to fish, go boating, golf, and party around the water.

The Salton Sea has many entrances but no exit for the water, other than evaporation. The farms in the area were dumping irrigation water into it, and the salt and chemical levels have increased every year. The water became dirtier, algae thrived on the fertilizer, and the smell, along with the heat forced people to move away from the shore.

In 1976, and 1977 two tropical storms hit the area, and the sea levels rose, flooding out the marinas and yacht clubs. Neighbourhoods around the sea were flooded and abandoned. The local economy crashed and property values nosedived.

Then, in the 80's, the large amounts of algae removed all the oxygen from the water, causing enormous numbers of fish to die off. The birds ate the rotting fish, and subsequently died of botulism.

All through the 90's, tons of fish died. 150,000 Eared Grebes died in 1992, Brown Pelicans died off in somewhat smaller numbers in the late 90's. 7.6 million Tilapia died in the summer of 1999. The skeletons of the dead line the shores of the sea.

The entire area has the feel of a post-apocalyptic society. You can see the shells of what was a fun, thriving area, that is now dead and gone. If you don't look too close, you can fool yourself into seeing it as it once was. You see the beach where there now lay skeletons, the water looks as clean as the ocean, and so beautiful with all the brown and white pelican flocks sailing around, but I wouldn't want to swim in it.

The breeze carries the smells of the rotting algae away, but when it's calm and still, the humidity can be oppressive and the smell hard to take

Bombay Beach is hit or miss, one house among ten is well tended, half are abandoned in various stages of decay, and a few it's hard to tell if someone is actually living in there. In Niland, our impression was of a down on their luck, drug addicted society.

We enjoyed our stay along the shores of the sea at the Corvina Beach Campground. We met a young guy who was spending his nights there, commuting by car and bike each day to Coachella. This brought up memories of my daughter asking if we could go to the music concert this year and me telling her we wouldn't be in the area during that time. Guess I was wrong.

During our time there, we were often the only ones around, most people opting to go to the campground a little further north that included utilities. That was a big perk, as were the free showers, although, at first, I was put off by the lack of heat and smell of sulphur from the water. Nothing like a cold, sulphur shower to wake you up in the morning.

Could be worse, it could be Tonopah.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

On the fringe, and off the grid -- Slab City, CA

Slab City or The Slabs started off in 1942 as a Marine Corp base named Camp Dunlap, but was dismantled in 1956. Some years later a chemical company in Oakland, California hired 20 men to harvest creosote leaves near Niland. Some of the workers moved closer to their work by living in small trailers at the abandoned Camp Dunlap. This was the start of what is now called Slab City.

In 1965, the county ordered people to leave a camping area at Painted Canyon near Mecca, California. Some moved to Bombay Beach, and Georgetown while others moved to Slab City.

In the winter, the Slabs population swells to several thousand, due to all the Snowbirds who travel south from colder locations. In the summer, the population dwindles down to about 150 permanent citizens. With the temperatures getting as high as 120F(48C) I can only imagine how tough the summer months must be for them.

We stopped at Niland on the way in, to get some ice, and it's a pretty rough looking town. The neighbourhoods are unkempt and poor.

Some of the homes are well taken care of, while others are so overfilled with garbage it spills out the doors and everywhere into the yards. We drove past a messy trailer park and saw one of the trailers was flying a Nazi flag, while his neighbour flew a Rebel flag.

As we drove down the street, we saw a woman walking down the middle of the road towards us. She was so underweight she looked like a walking skeleton, her hair was straggly and wild, eyes glassy and zombie like, her skin was tanned to a dark brown leather. Her mouth was pulled up into a grimace-like smile, her pink gums devoid of even one tooth.

We slowed down and stopped, so we wouldn't hit her, and she just floated past us, completely unaware we were even there. It seemed very obvious she was a meth addict.

In the store, it was hard not to stare at the assortment of people. All seemed to be very down on their luck, a few were obvious drug addicts, looking much like the woman we'd seen walking in the road.

I wondered what the Slabs held for us if this was what civilization looked like here.

Salvation Mountain
You see Salvation Mountain long before you reach it, it's big cross and colourful decor popping out of the beige landcape ahead as a beacon to where you are headed. Salvation Mountain is a small hill approximately three stories high which is entirely covered in acrylic paint, concrete and adobe and adorned with Bible verses.

A man named Leonard Knight started building it in 1984 and continued until just a few years ago when he was put in an old age home. The work on the site was taken over by a group of volunteers and Leonard would come out to visit regularly until he died just this year on February 10, 2014.

Leonard had a spiritual awakening when he was 35. He went church to church trying to spread his message, but was never taken seriously. One day he saw a hot air balloon and decided that was the perfect way to spread his message. He prayed for 10 years for a balloon, but then on his way out west, his van broke down in Nebraska and he spent years there sewing his own balloon. Eventually he made his way to Slab City where he continued his work on the balloon with help from inhabitants there.

Unfortunately, he never could get that balloon up in the air. It kept ripping, and he kept repairing it, until eventually he gave up in failure. He decided to leave Slab City, and as a parting gesture, he took one last week to build a small monument that said "God is Love". But that week turned into two, then into a month, and a year and he just never stopped building.

You have got to see this to believe it. Pictures just don't do it justice. It stands 50 feet high and is 150 feet across, and  is so beautiful and awe-inspiring. Walking around it, over it and inside of it, I felt peaceful and reverential, the same way I have felt in amazing cathedrals and temples. The mountain exudes happiness and love, and a faith I will never understand, but can enjoy the fruits of what it drove this man to accomplish.

Camping at the Slabs

We had planned to get in an hour or two before sunset, but we took a wrong turn, and took more time at the sand dunes and in Niland, so sunset was rapidly approaching when we drove into the Slabs.

You drive past a guard post, painted over in bright colours, telling you Slab City is ahead, then past some WWII  bunkers. I have read that it's best to stay away from these bunkers as the inhabitants like to shoot at the opposing bunkers. They think it's all in good fun.

Salvation Mountain comes next, and then you come to a large gravel lot. There were about five or six RVs parked out here. We drove past them, and into a treed area where there were small groupings of RVs on both sides of the road.

Up on the right, in an open area, we found a place called The Range. It has a stage, lights, amplifiers, speakers, and tattered couches and old chairs for seating.  Every Saturday night at dusk, everyone meets for a talent show that features resident musicians and anyone else who wants to perform. It was built by a man who calls himself Builder Bill.

The Slabs has a number of businesses, a tire guy, a solar guy, and a 24 hour library. There are people who work to make it a better place, and others who just want to be left alone.

Then there are some real slobs and scary people, who leave all manner of garbage and junk out there all over the place. It's a real mish-mash of personalities with one thing in common: the desire or need to live apart from society. It makes me think of a post apocalyptic society.

It was getting dark and we didn't know where to go so we turned around and went back to the entrance lot and parked amidst the other RVs there, making sure to give them lots of room.

Dogs run free all over the Slabs, and as soon as the sun set, they all took up howling. Toonie could have cared less but Teddy was aggravated by the howling and barking all night long. He must have woken us ten times that night, warning all those dogs to stay away from us. Between the dogs, and other noises from people wandering around, we really didn't get much rest.


East Jesus
I read about East Jesus on a blog, but couldn't find out the exact location except that it was far out there, past the end of civilization. I figured they meant it was far past Slab City so we went driving up multiple roads, out into the desert and coming back again.

The only thing we found out there was fields of sand with signs warning not to walk out there as there may be unexploded ordinances.

We also came across two small US Marine camps. This was obviously where the army trucks we saw all day coming and going had come from. It's also where all the loud explosions were coming from the day before.

On our third wrong road, we stopped to take a picture of a camp that had created palapa style structures with dried palm leaves. It's order and beauty was a welcome sight after the garbage strewn slab sites we'd just come from.

A woman with heavily tanned, weathered skin came out to greet us, asking us if we were lost. I asked her for directions to East Jesus, and she laughed and told us it was just down the road, at the other road in the fork.

We were skeptical, since we'd gone that way already, but decided to take her advice. A short while later, we saw a man and woman walking down the road, and decided to ask again. They were both very gaunt, looked to be quite a mess. We should have passed them by.

I rolled down the window, and called out "Excuse me?" The man turned, with the most angry, hate-filled face, growling deep but loud "WHAT?!" It took me aback, scared me, in a visceral way. His hatred was so thick, I felt like I'd just been slugged in the face.

I stupidly answered his question instead of just moving on. "Do you know where East Jesus is?" and got pretty much the same hatred spewed at me again. It wasn't his words so much as the way he spit them at me, as if he'd rather pour gasoline on me and light me on fire or rip out my larynx with his bare hands. He pretty much told me to go to hell, except, in a much angrier, meaner, scarier, more intimidating way. I don't remember his words. I just remember feeling like we needed to get away as quickly as possible.

We drove on another 100 feet and finally saw the sign, right at the bottom of all the other signs. Turns out East Jesus was right there in Slab City, just off to the side of it.

East Jesus was thus named because the term means it's a place way out there, very far away. In their own words, it is "an experimental, habitable, extensible artwork in progress since 2006".

It was begun by Charles Stephen Russell, also know as Chasterus. He was a talented artist who found his way to the Slabs and set up camp in a mess of garbage, rust, and broken glass. He began taking the junk he found left all over the slabs and recycling it into artwork. As others saw and heard of what he was doing, they came to the Slabs to contribute and live there. It is now it's own community of artists, musicians, and laypeople.

Harold wandered around taking pictures, and I walked the dogs around the art installations. 30 minutes before, I'd have loved all this, but now the road monster's anger had infected me. I felt angry and disillusioned and bitter.

Of course, I knew there were people here who don't want to be bothered. I understand that many of the types of people who want to escape the world to places like this do it because they don't fit in, or because they hate the outside world. I guess, inside civilization, I don't come across this sort of person much in my daily life.

I saw a quote recently, "The energy we bring to an encounter with another person invites similar energy in return." Somehow, I don't think my polite manners and friendliness stood a chance of changing that guys outlook at all, but I definitely felt his nastiness invade me, and take over my own attitude.

Where earlier I'd been interested in the experience of this place and people, and especially by the divergent types living together, now I just wanted to get back to  the real world, away from here.

It wasn't just this one couple yelling and swearing at me. It was the nazi in the trailer park, and the meth addicts in Niland. It was the way people have left much of the area, the garbage heaped up, all over the desert areas, under, over and stuck in the plants, and all over the ground. It's overwhelming in it's squalor.

I'm sure, in hindsight, it will make for an interesting memory and I'll choose to remember the photos I've shown here, the bits of beauty amidst the decay. At least, it wasn't another Tonopah.